When I say it’s over fast, I mean it: The todger is reportedly only onscreen for a mere 12 frames, or half a second.Ĥ. Keep your eyes peeled on the center of the frame, as Pine emerges from the water fully nude, before quickly putting on his whatever-the-medieval-word-for-underwear-is. Just as the GPS sometimes won’t tell you about a turn until you’re right about to get to the intersection, you won’t have a whole lot of notice after Pine starts swimming, so you’ll need to get ready fast.ģ. After that, he takes a cleansing bath in what looks like an extremely cold Scottish firth. However, there will come a point where Robert gets to a particularly bad spot, and comes up with a different strategy to kick the English out of Scotland forever. This is the part McKenzie trimmed, for good reason.Ģ. Robert the Bruce is going to hit a low point, and then another low point, and then another low point. Like, basically an entire Hero’s Journey’s worth. Just a warning: To see the dick you’re going to sit through a lot more movie. Now that we’ve handled the pubes, it’s time to move a few inches south. But come on, don’t you want some build up? Either way, enjoy a nice intermezzo in the form of Pine’s butt, which gets some prominent onscreen real estate in the subsequent sex scene.ġ. Alternately, you could also skip the above steps and just fast-forward on Netflix to 45:31. Drink it in - on the spectrum of male celebrity pubes, it’s more Pattinson than Theroux.ĥ. Keep your eyes firmly trained between the royal cum gutters, and gaze at the majesty of this mound. There will come a time when Pine removes his whatever-the-medieval-word-for-pants-is, and this is the moment you need to be ready for. Now, this scene also features female nudity, but that’s not what you’re here for today. When the two start to embrace, keep your eyes trained at the bottom of the frame.Ĥ. But the time is apparently right, and so tonight is the night. The signal to keep your eyes peeled is when Pine is in a tent alongside his English wife (Florence Pugh), whom he has heretofore refused to bed out of a strange combination of grief, respect, and national pride. This happens around a third of the way into the film you can tell it’s different from the other battles because it takes place at night.ģ. If your eyes have glazed over from all the indistinguishable bearded men, wake yourself up by the time Robert is with his men in the woods, preparing to fight a big battle. Amuse yourself by trying to figure out whose Scottish accent is the best. There are duels to fight, people to stab, and Englishmen to glare at. But even before this, you’re going to have to sit through a whole lot of medieval sword stuff first.
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Accordingly, before the movie will serve you the D, it’s going to serve you the bush. Like a great chef, Outlaw King knows not to blow its showstopper on the first course. ( Chris Hemsworth in Vacation doesn’t count.) Use it wisely.ġ. But fear not - having skimmed the version of the film that’s currently streaming on Netflix, we can report that those two big scenes remain, well, uncut.Īs is tradition at Vulture, we’ve taken the liberty of preparing a guide to this momentous occasion, which is after all the first full-frontal nudity from a Hollywood Chris.
Donovan, there was a possibility those star turns would go unseen by the world at large: David McKenzie’s extremely bloody biopic of Scottish hero Robert the Bruce underwent significant edits after its TIFF premiere, and the director says he ultimately trimmed 20 minutes from the film.
Unfortunately, like their Juilliard classmate Jessica Chastain in The Life and Death of John F. This year’s Toronto Film Festival saw many newcomers give amazing performances, but no duo had as much buzz as those that made their debut in Outlaw King: Chris Pine’s Pubes, and Chris Pine’s Penis.